Okay, deep breath . . .
I will be away from the Rage Cage for a bit because it's my holiday and this year I will be spending most of it in sunny, tropical Vancouver!
I should pay more attention to geography.
Maybe, upon reflection, I should buy some sort of attire that has sleeves on it, perhaps of an insulating material . . . I hope they have that technology in Canananada. I know very little of my neighbor up North, other than it is big and has a bunch of empty bits in it. Which makes it similar to those obnoxious bags of chips you buy that shrink to a fourth their size upon opening. I also think they have lots of badgers and have heard they use beer can tabs as a type of primitive currency.
I kid, I kid, Canadians. Please do not tar and feather me- although I assume in Canada that would involve maple syrup and wood chips.
Okay, that was the last one, I promise.
Seriously, I am pumped to go. I have actually never been there, so it will be an adventure. Hopefully the kind where I don't wake up with unexplainable neck wounds, which is what has happened on my last few winter holidays.
For the education of my readers who might be saying, "Canada? What's that?", I present the following:
Canada has produced three of the most enduring cultural icons of the last thirty years and I have dutifully listed them below in no particular order. Whoever gets all three references will receive a free Molson down at the King of Donair. Find me in Vancouver to redeem the prize!
Seeking justice in a world gone mad.
One of the greatest thinkers of our time.
Like I said, my knowledge of the country, and its culture, is severely lacking, and I look forward to having good beers and good times with friends. It will be pretty close to last year's safari (click here to read the last cheap plug of 2012!) except with more fur and strange noises.
This is a shorter entry than normal, patient reader, but that is because I leave tomorrow and must look for my three pairs of socks that don't have holes in them- otherwise I might end up with interesting frostbite patterns. Upon my return we will get back to our regularly scheduled rage, and I will have lots of pictures of actual, honest to goodness Canadians in their natural habitat.
I assume that involves flannel and those hats with ear flaps on.
In the meantime, wherever you are, and whatever you do, try to have a happy New Year! Let's all work together and ensure that 2013 ends on a higher note than 2012, shall we?
Step one: get everyone a gigantic clock.
I said CLOCK.
And that's why we can't have nice things.