I don't know much about geography, but based on this I will assume all Latvians have superpowers.
I have managed to become such a blogging expert, in such a truncated time frame, that I have figured out how to identify where people who read my blog hail from. This only took me six months, to find the well hidden "audience button". That bastard. It is interesting to ponder how many people, all over this wide world, are reading about my adventures with insects, pants, celebrities, and firearms. The audience list breaks it down by country, and there has been one consistent reader (or readers, I dunno), following the ups and downs, ins and outs, rages and sorrows, that make up the life of The Lippart and its various offshoots. This reader comes from a place I know nothing about- Latvia.
Latvia. The name itself sounds badass, like where vampires go when they get tired of eating peasants in Wallachia (is that still around?) And, as shown above, they have remarkable levitation powers, reaching almost five feet off the floor at times. But beyond that, I know nothing, so I did some research, and in honor of my most exotic reader, wanted to share them with you. Of course, being a lazy, drunk bastard, I culled all my facts from the government's web site, so if they are anything like our government in the USA, not only is it a lie, but the website itself was outsourced to another country and was all stolen from wikipedia anyways.
Awesome fact one- almost half on Latvians play an instrument or sing. That is kickass, and means that, according to Newtonian Mathematics (as proven in book two of The Principia), 23% of them are breaking into powerslides as you are reading this blog. The remaining 27% are either a) doing bed straddling air guitar licks or b) fist pumping in time with "Any Way You Want It."
Awesome fact two- they play a sport called floorball. It looks like floor hockey with a "wiffle ball" feel. At first, seemed a bit small beer to me, but then I found this picture:
Goddamit, let's play some frikkin floorball, boys.
In summary, Latvia sounds like a sweet place to visit. And I will assume they have good beer, because everywhere I have been in the world has good beer, except for Utah, which just sells bottled shame instead (tastes more like Fanta). I hope they have windmills there, because I always wanted to roll around Don Quixote style. I'll have to come by and see what it is about Latvia that makes them the only European country (other than the Germans, but they are probably just gathering intel) where people care about what's happening with my groin and so forth.
Kudos to you, Latvia, you magnificent bastard. I will have a Tembo tonight and ponder your mysterious and Euro-flavored ways.
tune in next week, where I talk about my massive popularity in Poland.